2atoms: Mr. Ferguson, welcome.
AF: Sir Alex.
AF: Sir Alex. My name is Sir Alex.
2atoms: OK, sorry - Sir Alex.
AF: That's better.
2atoms: Let's start with a recap of last season. You won nothing - finished 4th in the league, and now you have a 1-0 deficit against an unknown Hungarian team to overcome to qualify for the Champions League. Bad season?
AF: (Rubs purple nose) No. I don't think so. I've said all along it's the winning that matters.
2atoms: But, you didn't win anything.
AF: I know. But we're better than Arsenal anyway.
AF: I mean that French tosser - Wenger whatever his name is. What a tosser! All his players want to play for Manchester United. We're the greatest team in the world...
2atoms: What ALL Arsenal players want to play for Man Utd?
AF: All of 'em. If I offered 'em 50 pence to come up to Old Trafford they'd be on the next train like a shot. That Viera...
2atoms: Yeah I see what you're saying. Thierry Henry must have particularly devastated that he didn't sign for you this season Sir Alex - that's probably why he consoled himself with another 5 year contract for Arsenal. I mean what a shamble of a season he had last year - Premiership medal, FA Cup medal, Golden Boot award - terrible!
AF: Aye I know. We've got so much more to offer the kid.
AF: That Viera. He was on the phone to me in the summer. Begging, begging me he was. You've got to let me play for Man U he's saying - reserve matches, 3rd goalie - anything. I had to turn him down.
2atoms: Oh really? Why's that then?
AF: He's tainted.
2atoms: Tainted? What, like, unclean?
AF: Aye. Tainted by the Arsenal scum. Fecking scum. Championship winning, double-winning scum. Fecking French wankers...
2atoms: OK. Let's leave race out of this shall we?
AF: Why? It's not fair. They're foreign. They score goals - and win matches. Tossers.
AF: Absolute fecking tossers.
2atoms: On to more recent matters. Last night's draw with Chelsea - a match you should have won?
AF: An engrossing game. Very engrossing.
2atoms: But one you should have won...
AF: I may be active on the transfer market this week.
2atoms: Ah, so you'll be on the phone to Arsene Wenger.
AF: Aye I'll be on the fecking phone to him alright - telling him what a fecking French tosser he is!
2atoms: No, I mean you'll be offering one or two of those Arsenal players a chance at moving up in the world?
AF: Aah, maybe. Yes. No. I mean, they've all got contracts now haven't they?
2atoms: Oh yeah, but they'll break them for you won't they eh? Chance of a lifetime?