On to more serious matters now, as 2atoms takes a look at a
malady previously ignored by medical science.
Kandahar Biscuit Syndrome
27th January 2003
Kandahar Biscuit Syndrome or KBS as it is known in the medical
profession, affects as many as 1 in 7 UK adults at sometime in their lives a new
report out today reveals. Little was heard of this disease until recently - the
titular city becoming famous for other reasons. We spoke to Garry Bush, a long
term sufferer of KBS about what impact it has had on his life.
" Well all I can say, is that it hits you at any time of the day. You know
you could be sitting at work quite busy, the phone rings you're talking to a
colleague and then whoom - it just hits. "
" An overwhelming urge to be drinking a cup of tea, with a nice pack of
digestive biscuits, on the shores of sunny Kandahar. It's all I can do stop
myself flying out on the next plane to Afghanistan with a suitcase full of PG
Tips and McVitie's Digestives. "
" I don't even know if Kandahar has a beach "
" It doesn't? Well there you go - as I say it just hits you out of the
blue. No logic to it. Just an overwhelming urge. "
Garry has been prescribed strong medication to help ease him into a normal life
again. But he doesn't believe that drugs are the answer.
" I think if I'd listened to those urges, and realised how ridiculous they
were, the first time I had a KBS attack, then I wouldn't be in this situation
now. You've just got to be strong and say to yourself `No - I'm not going to
Kandahar. Not now - not never (sic). Put the kettle on - by all means get some
biccies - but under no circumstances go to Kandahar to consume them. There IS no
beach in Kandahar, and you DON'T want to be there. It's a psychosomatic thing -
the more you think you have KBS - the more aggravated the symptoms become.
The report's author - Michael Fitzmullen of the SDU, St. Thomas's Hospital,
London, disregards criticism that the figures in his report will cause undue
public panic. The most vociferous critic of the report, Susan Stannich, a
medical researcher at King's College, has slammed the report as `Twaddle`. Mr.
Fitzmullen has obviously included all UK adults who have expressed a sudden
desire to consume tea and/or biscuits in a foreign clime in this report - very
few of them will be genuine KBS sufferers.'
The row looks set to continue - Mr. Fitzmullen is believed to preparing a legal
case against Ms. Stannich, it is not known what the nature of this case will be.
Bantu Mahara, 2atoms News, London.
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